Barbra Streisand Shaves Head, Announces She's Gone "Emo"

Apparently upset that her old pal Neil Diamond was inducted into the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame, Barbra Streisand recently unveiled her new all-black wardrobe and shaved head, and snippily told reporters, "Oh, please. He [Diamond] is as rock'n'roll as I am."

The legendary diva, more famous for her renditions of show tunes than anything considered rock'n'roll, attempted to bolster her hip credentials by referencing her past duets with the likes of Andy Gibb and Donna Summer. Streisand hopes to work with "Iggy Pop, Brian Eno, and those guys in Kiss" on her new album: "I want them to write songs for me. They should start now." She also hinted that she may try her hand at rapping: "I love Ice T on that cop show. He can work with me. We'll do a duet."

Are you making this up? This sounds too good to be true. Rock n roll was looking for Babs when she was lusciously stacked in her What's New Pussycat days. It needed a replacement for the deceased Janis Joplin. However, Babs snubbed the greasers, hipsters, stoners, beatnicks, freaknicks, fuckwads and punks. Now that Babs is looking for Rock n Roll -- well, Rock n Roll sez fuck you!

Gotcha! What's today's date, hoip?

Oh, man. You got me. I'm an April Fool! However, I do think Babs is considering an Eno/Emo experimental approach to her career. I can feel it.

I'd wager I'm drunker than STEVE right now.

I know that sounds like an April's Fool, but I suspect it's true.

Good night, everybody!

> Babs snubbed the greasers, hipsters, stoners, beatnicks, freaknicks, fuckwads and punks.

Hoip, is that from a song lyric, or is it your own writing?

If it's your own ... damn, bro, set it to some music pronto! It's cool! (It'd be even cooler if you could persuade Streisand to sing it.)

Quote

greasers, hipsters, stoners, beatnicks, freaknicks, fuckwads and punks

I wonder if I'm any one of the above (all of the above?)
I'll go for 'freaknik,' given the choice, tho 'fuckwad' might be more realistic.

Figuring someone must have gone by the name Brian Emo at some point, I did a search. Yep. Taken.

My own writing and thanks! As soon as I get a keyboard....

> Figuring someone must have gone by the name Brian Emo at some point, I did a search.
> Yep. Taken.

I was going to use that as a pseudonym for my music reviews, but I did a search first too.

My second choice was Nick Fuckwad. But then I realized, my real name gets enough laughs.

Delvin wrote:

> My second choice was Nick Fuckwad. But then I realized, my real
> name gets enough laughs.

Your last name sounds like a German candy bar.

> Your last name sounds like a German candy bar.

Really? I've been to Germany a couple times, but never saw a "Fuckwad" bar in any candy store. Not sure I would've bought it either, if it'd been available.

Actually, I call one of my homebrew recipes "Neugebraü."

Delvin wrote:

> Actually, I call one of my homebrew recipes "Neugebraü."

It sounds yummy. I'd give that a taste.

I was seriously considering a fake news post about Robert Wyatt and Evanescence collaborating.

the best in this vein was several years ago - Pitchfork put out a press release saying they were going to have start reviewing more mainstream music to pay the bills. I don't remember all of the albums reviewed that day but one was a Britney Spears album which got a good review.