An outrage!

If there's one iota of truth in this business

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I swear I'm tracking the motherfucker down and planting his hideous head on a pike for the ravens to devour the flesh from once and for all. He can mess around with poor little Taylor Swift or whatever other woman too dumb to flee at his approach, but he'd better leave Giada alone. Her show is what passes for porn to me these days and I don't want to have to be picturing that fart monkey Mayer's face anytime I see her rolling out some ravioli or something.

High holy fucking damn, but I despise that bastard. I'm reasonably mellow in my old age - Hell, if I saw Dennis DeYoung with his thumb out on the side of the road I'd stop and give the guy a ride - but my soul is not large enough to contain my loathing of Mayer. Smarmy little ass-tard...



Post Edited (11-10-10 21:59)

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my soul is not large enough to contain my loathing of Mayer. Smarmy little ass-tard...

"Und how lonk haff you hed zees ... feelinks ... about Herr Mayer?"

That's a rather melancholy flavour they've chosen for Freud's head.

Sorry. This thread has gone to the pits.

No, no, Kay ... Reno said he wanted to plant John Mayer's head on a pike, not his therapist's.

Mayer would have probably scored with Freud too.

I mean once Freud put him on the couch and all ..........

The thread's making me paranoid about sexuality.

And now poor Giada's grandpa has expired. Bad week for the lovely young thing.

Dino DeLaurentiis, the man behind a few great movies and a bunch of awful ones, some so awful they defy classification.

And David Lynch's Dune, which transformed a great, somewhat incoherent novel into an entirely incoherent movie that is nonetheless great by the simple fact that Lynch turned what was supposed to be a franchise launching holiday sci fi blockbuster into a bizarre mix of FX that would've been chintzy even in the 1950s, pretty great production design, a giant talking vagina in a diner car filled with gas and Virginia Madsen's disembodied head fading in and out of the cosmos.

And Sting while he was still marginally cool running around in a loincloth while the late, great Kenneth McMillan looked on longingly.

Dino died? EVERYBODY CRY!

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Dino died? EVERYBODY CRY!

This is one LOL where I really did laugh out loud.

The "Everybody cry!" line is from Belushi doing Dino on SNL in regards to his new King Kong movie.

While I don't agree with everything Lynch does, I think he's amazing. I watch Twin Peaks every couple of months. I've seen three versions of Dune: theatrical, extended cut, and uber-extended illegal cut. The middle one's the best, since it doesn't get as boring as the 4 hour version I borrowed from a friend.

I, along with many people in the audience, laughed out loud when the credit for "Walt Disney Presents" and then "A Film By David Lynch" showed up during the absolutely amazing Straight Story.

But what may be Dino's best film is Flash Gordon, that awesome piece of camp that features some of the best worst acting and best worst weirdest production design ever, along with Queen's almost-score. I can watch it over and over, esp. when Topol first appears, standing up, eyes huge and wide, pointing to an off-screen computer as an American flag waves next to him as he screams, "Check the oscillation another 48 degrees!" (or something like that). Brian Blessed is a force of nature in that film: "DIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!"

This is, of course, ignoring all the amazing stuff he actually did, like Fellini's films, Manhunter, Bound, and Army of Darkness.

I love Flash Gordon. I saw it as a child in the theater and never forgot it. I still watch it at least once a year. I know it's officially terrible (mainly because of the two leads, I'd argue), but I find it endlessly entertaining. If Dino had never produced anything else, he'd be a legend to me.

Brian Blessed has become an icon around our house as someone who overracts shamelessly, but somehow manages never to be irritating.

Apparently Brian Blessed is the oldest man to ever walk to the North Pole. Keep that in your back pocket in case anyone ever asks.

I had to do some research on that "everybody cry" line too. What I dug up seemed to suggest that Dino actually said of his version of King Kong that "when Jaws die, nobody cry. But when the monkey die, everybody cry." Is that just apocryphal and really something that Belushi said?

I remember reading that quote in The Golden Turkey Awards. I was never sure if he really said that or not.

"And Sting while he was still marginally cool running around in a loincloth while the late, great Kenneth McMillan looked on longingly."

For the record, I'd like to clear this up: It was a cod piece. And it is not cool, marginally or otherwise.

To wit:

[fficial%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D575%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C171&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=120&vpy=193&dur=0&hovh=260&hovw=194&tx=119&ty=135&ei=8YzcTNDRIMH38AaG8ommCQ&oei=8YzcTNDRIMH38AaG8ommCQ&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:18,s:0&biw=1366&bih=575" rel="nofollow">www.google.com]



Post Edited (11-11-10 19:42)

I coulda gone my whole life without seeing that again. I repeat: my whole life.

David Lynch has been my favourite director for twenty years.

I am an average nerd (which is pretty nerdy) with fifteen years of constant access to the internet.

I frequent this board.

But even I had to do a few Google searches to get the "Everybody cry" reference.

The rest of you seemed to get it immediately.

[Yet no one called me out for my watermelon-choly Freud groaner.]

There is something, shall we say, unsettlingly esoteric about you lot.

I remember seeing Dune. It made me paranoid about sexuality.

Man, I used to love Space 1999.
Doesn't Brian Blessed pop up in Blakes 7 as well?

I heard the SyFy (nor at the time, Sci Fi Channel) made-for-TV remake was better than Lynch's. I don't know...that's just what I heard.

The tv version did indeed have the benefit of a script that made sense, but suffered from being a very bargain basement production - ie, scenes that were supposed to be taking place in the deep desert instead looked like they were being performed on the stage in my grade school covered with sand - and a bizarre supporting cast of weird no-name eastern European actors who spoke somewhat less clearly than Bela Lugosi along with William Hurt collecting a paycheck to deliver a performance with all the energy of a grocery store salad bar.

If they could invent a machine that could somehow insert the tv script into the Lynch movie, they'd have a pretty acceptable version of Dune.



Post Edited (11-11-10 11:46)

I'll say it again. After watching a tense Giallo, I like eating Gelato while watching Giadi.

[Yet no one called me out for my watermelon-choly Freud groaner.]

I did.

(but I'm not old enough to remember belushi, technically)

Giada make me cry.

I feel compelled to point out that Dino was a producer, not a director or writer. Though in that capacity he did bankroll Lynch's last watchable film, Blue Velvet.

Actually Lynch made a good film that almost nobody's heard of: Straight Story. (And, as it's a documentary, it doesn't capriciously indulge in pretensions such as unrelated figures eating lightbulbs while elves or horseback linger in the background of a diner where everybody talks in reverse).

Glad you added the paragraph about The Straight Story, as I was just about to protest the "last watchable film" from the first paragraph. But I am enough of a grammar prick to point out that it was not a "documentary" but a "docudrama."

I believe it was the great Richard Farnsworth's last movie before the poor old guy pulled his own plug. And David Lynch's only G-rated movie, released by Disney.

Brian Blessed! Space: 1999's version of Mark Leonard! Anytime we need someone to play an alien, call Brian and glue some crap to his face!

Actually, he was probably only on two episodes, but those were the two episodes that seemed to be on anytime I happened to find myself watching the show. Those two and the one where Martin Landau and Barbara Bain are held captive by the evil computer Brian Brain.

The "Dragon's Domain" episode of Space 1999 stills scares the crap out of me.

The mention of Space: 1999 made me scurry to Amazon to find out if it's available. And scrolling down the page, I saw other sci-fi DVDs that are available ... some of the most unbelievable cheezoid artifacts. Guess there really is a market for anything.

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some of the most unbelievable cheezoid artifacts. Guess there really is a market for anything.

My sibling and I had "Space: 1999" toys when we were kids. What's most outrageous to me is the sheer, audacious optimism that those toys (and the television show, and by extension, most sci-fi from the middle of the 20th century) seemed to imply.

1999? Really? Does anyone want to think that time-frame over? Someone somewhere was guilty of being a tad optimistic, hmmm? We're not even close to being on schedule! Step it up, NASA!

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I've refrained from commenting on the Dune thing ... but at least Herbert set his Dune books in a future so remote that it boggles the mind. 35,000 years in the future or some such date.

Read the National Lampoon "Doon" parody. It's priceless. Or it was when I was in junior high school.



Post Edited (11-14-10 19:31)

I forgot to mention that I cried during Orca, Dino De Laurentis' answer to Jaws. When that asswipe whale hunter - played to jerkwad perfection by Richard Harris - killed the baby whale and its mother, I wanted to leap into the screen and strangle Harris and the whole crew.

That's the mark of a great movie, to make you want to leap into the screen. And to cheer the Orca on as it stalks and eats Bo Derek and wrecks her beachhouse -- and you still want to fuck Bo's remains afterwards.

Oops, forgot to add - SPOILER ALERT!



Post Edited (11-13-10 10:13)

Ick, but sort of appropriate I guess, as it was Bo's future beau John Derek who actually uttered the line "Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse."

Though technically he said "beautiful corpse" and it's been modified over the years.

I think that magazine/online blog/whatever got it wrong. John Mayer is actually banging the Barefoot Contessa.


EDIT: And I can only wonder in regards to John Mayer and Jessica Simpson, did he f**k her t**s?? If so, I am jealous. Not angry, but just a bit envious.



Post Edited (11-14-10 20:16)

Of all the questions I never imagined I'd see posted on this board ...

To class things back up a bit, here's some classical Greek literature featuring Giada's dear granny. Sadly, though, this particular clip doesn't contain Kirk Douglas' immortal delivery of "Curse you, Circe! You've turned my men into pigs!"

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