"...Gather 'round children, and I'll tell you all the tale of the 45 rpm single..."
.
.
.
I had some family friends help me move (not this last time, but the time before) and the eldest of this family's kids picked up a box of mine, read the label, and wanted to know "what the hell does LP mean?"
He didn't ask me what an LP
was. It didn't even register that it was an object. No clue whatsoever!
:::gratuitous brow-furrowing ensues:::
I didn't bother trying to explain about other vinyl formats.
It is not the least bit uplifting when I flip through my 45s and realize how old some of them (and by extension, their owner) are getting:
Sparks - "This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us" - 34 years old.
Just Water - "Singin' In The Rain" - 30 years old.
Julian Cope - "Greatness and Perfection Of Love" - 24 years old.
Echo & The Bunnymen - "Silver' - 24 years old.
The Jesus And Mary Chain - "Just Like Honey" - 23 years old.
Love & Rockets - "Ball Of Confusion" - 22 years old.
The Housemartins - "Flag Day" - 22 years old.
The Church - "Under The Milky Way" -20 years old.
Fairground Attraction - "Perfect" - 20 years old.
Guns 'N Roses - "Welcome To The Jungle" - 20 years old.
Hostile Heyday - ""Wallow' - 20 years old.
Transvision Vamp - "Tell That Girl To Shut Up" - 20 years old.
The baby 45 is:
Yo La Yengo - "Urban Crusher" - 10 years old.
The wee runt of the litter is a cute little 5" thingy:
Boyracer - "West Riding House" - 13 years old.
So ... not only are quite a few of my 45s of voting age, they're also old enough to buy liquor and smokes in public! I can't say that they've aged well, either. The Julian Cope 45 just insists on painting it's face blue and rants non-stop about Odin and Paleolithic burial mounds. You'd think it would have grown up by now! Echo & The Bunnymen? Hah! I barely even recognize Bunnymen anymore! And the way it still bickers with the Cope 45! I should just let 'em fight to the death and bury the survivor! Don't even get me started about the Sparks single! It's constant use of wit, satire, and lyrical repetition is getting wearisome and annoying.
The rest of the brood? Nothing but trouble and grey hairs!
I can't keep "Welcome To The Jungle" and "Tell That Girl To Shut Up" out of the liquor cabinet. Despite it's misleading name, I suspect that "Perfect" is sleeping around. The Boyracer title is already asking questions about girls and wanting to get it's learner's permit! I caught "Urban Crusher" playing "doctor" with that slutty little tramp of a Maddona CD-Single from up the street!
Kalgon ... TAKE ME AWAY!
What is a parent to do? I can't just keep them boxed up or imprisoned in the jukebox forever, can I?
